Christmas Trip

Lillian’s first Christmas was wonderful ๐Ÿ™‚ We spent a week with my mom and grandpa in San Antonio and then spent a night in Austin to see Paul’s dad, step mom, and some friends. Lillian got SPOILED with presents and we learned that she loves, loves, loves toys. She also got a bunch of cute outfits and I can’t wait to put her in them.

This trip was also the most exhausting week of my life and I’m definitely going to put my foot down harder next year. Family needs to come to us. We must have packed up our entire house and Lillian is definitely old enough to notice and dislike when she’s in an unfamiliar place. She woke me up 3 or more times every night and I’ve never been so tired. I’m so happy that we spent so much quality time with family but, it definitely tested my patience and sanity at times.

When we finally got home on Friday night, I was all out of sorts. My anxiety was through the roof and, what’s worse, that often leads to me picking fights with Paul. I hate that I do this but, it’s hard for me to just chill. I haven’t been able to find a medication that works; I just need something to take the edge off. The edges of my anxiety are so damn sharp. And then, after picking a stupid fight, I feel so guilty and my depression just runs with that. I start feeling hopeless and all I can seem to think about is Paul leaving me.

Luckily, these feelings only last through the evening and then I’m ok the next day. I’m not sure why evenings are so tough. Lillian has a hard time in the evenings, maybe that’s why.

While we were on our trip, Lillian learned some new skills! She can now get her toes in her mouth and she knows how to press buttons ๐Ÿ™‚ I love watching her grow and learn new but, she really is growing up too fast. I think she’ll be crawling before we know it and, I’m sure she’ll be an early walker too. My little angel is so dang smart and I couldn’t be prouder ๐Ÿ™‚ I just need to get my anxiety and depression under control and all will be perfect.

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