Not Ready

Lillian will be 6 months old soon and I can’t seem to wrap my brain around that. I’ve almost had my little squishy for half a year! She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and it feels like only yesterday my OB was cutting her out of my uterus.

As amazing as Lilly is, I’ll be honest, things have been a bit rough lately. She’s been going through a sleep regression for what seems like an eternity but, I think it’s finally over now. It got to a point where she was waking up every 2ish hours at night and I wasn’t sure I would survive. She also stopped taking naps during the day and would only fall asleep while eating when she was sleepy. They say not to feed to sleep but, if it’s the only thing that works, you can bet your sweet butt that’s what I’ll do. Last night, though, she slept 6 hour straight without needing to eat and then she slept another 6 hours straight from 3 am to 9 :O I think it’s safe to say the regression is over? Party time! Haha.

I was recently put on a higher dose of Lexapro for my depression and I see a psychiatrist now who prescribed me with an antipsychotic to handle the anxiety. “Antipsychotic” sounds super intense and scary but, it just works with my Serotonin levels to even me out. I’m on a pretty low dose of it too. I really hope we can get a handle on my depression and anxiety soon; it’s just making mothering harder. I still do a great job (in my humble opinion, lol) but, I definitely have moments where I just don’t wanna.

My husband and I recently talked about putting Lilly in her crib at night to sleep even though she’s not yet sleeping through the night. It might help her sleep more since she can’t hear us making noise. I didn’t realize, however, that Lilly wasn’t the only one that needed to be ready for that. The other night, we put her in her crib and had the baby monitor on. I got really sad and missed her too much so I ended up bringing her back into our room. I definitely was not expecting that; I’m just not ready for her to be away from me.

Another thing I’m definitely not ready for is how active she is now and how much she’s growing. She just rolls around and needs constant attention and I swear she’ll be driving and getting a job before I know it. The other day I saw her put her pacifier back in her mouth deliberately and I was in total shock. It wasn’t even that long ago that she couldn’t do anything but calmly lay there. I’m unbelievably proud of her that she’s growing up and learning new things but, I’m not ready. She’s growing up too fast and there’s nothing I can do to stop it šŸ˜¦ Honestly, it’s making me want another baby but, I think we have our hands full enough.

I’m so proud of my perfect, little rockstar and how much she’s growing but, I wish she would slow down just a tad. Mommy needs some time to catch up.

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