Today is the last day before Paul goes back to work and I am left alone to care for our baby. I’m pretty anxious about it, but I’ve been feeling more confident everyday. I started taking medication for PPD so that should make this go a bit smoother…I hope.

I think the best thing for me to do at this point is to make, and try to stick to, a schedule. I’ve been feeling completely out of control which has led to me being overwhelmed (especially difficult to manage with the PPD) and so I need to create some structure. This will also help me fight off the lethargy I’ve been experiencing so that I can not only take better care of Lilly but, hopefully, take better care of myself too. Lazy is not something I can afford to be anymore, nor is it something I want to be.

I think the best way to motivate myself to start the day (beside Lilly screaming for formula) will be to take morning walks with her around the neighborhood. Morning is the perfect time because, it isn’t too hot yet, it’ll motivate me to get out of bed and into some real clothes, and it’ll give me a good burst of energy that I’m hoping will last throughout the day. Once I’ve had my walk with Lilly I can start doing chores and cooking but, I think a morning walk will be a fun way to start.

Another important thing that I’d like to include in my schedule, and the one thing I’ve found is the hardest to do, is self care. Self care was never something I did; my self esteem and self worth were low so I never took great care of myself. I tend to only think of the needs and wants of others. Now that I have Lilly, I really want and need to start taking better care of myself, physically and mentally, for her. This includes exercising, making better food choices, keeping my energy up, and even just giving myself some time to unwind and relax every now and again. Even as I write this, my anxiety is telling me “now, you’re just being selfish” but, I need to learn to push through that. I believe that if I allow myself to get too stressed, Lilly will feel that too. Happy mom, happy baby. Right?

I’ve also started scheduling mommy and me activities around town. Lilly will be 2 months old on the 17th and we’ll be attending a Kindermusik class shortly after. I’m very excited to start doing these sorts of things with Lilly because, not only will it allow her to learn, grow, and meet other babies but, I’ll be able to get out of the house and meet other moms. I really think that a good support system is the most important thing you can have and I’d really like to build mine. Making mom friends (making any sort of friend as an adult, really) is daunting for me; it sort of feels like an “achievement unlocked” situation but, it’s something that I’m thrilled to start trying.

I really hope that I can find my groove quickly, that I am able to be the best mom that I can be for my little girl. Taking care of a baby all day and all night will be tough but, I’m excited for this new adventure. Can’t wait to tell you guys all about it! 🙂

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