Thank you so much for joining me 🙂 I wanted to start this new blog about my experiences being a first-time mom. To be honest, I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m excited to learn as I go and share my journey along the way.
I am 33 weeks pregnant now and I am definitely feeling it. According to an app on my phone, baby is the size of a pineapple.
I want this blog to be as open and honest as possible so I will be sharing the good along with the bad. Some days, like today, are harder than others, so here goes…
As much as I would love to say that it’s all flowers and rainbows, I’ve been having a pretty tough time. Sleeping has become almost impossible, my whole body aches, and I have officially started to swell in my hands and feet. So glamorous.
More than the physical pains, though, I’ve been having a lot of feelings of anxiety and hopelessness. I’ve struggled with anxiety most of my life and the hormones that come with creating a human make it even more difficult to manage. I’m constantly afraid that I’m going to mess up or that I won’t be able to hack it. How the heck do I keep a baby alive? What if I miss something important and my daughter suffers because of it? I keep telling myself that no one is perfect and that I can’t expect to get everything right, but it’s hard to shake these feelings when they have such a death grip on my mind. I’m sure I’m not the only first-time mom who’s felt this way, but knowing that doesn’t seem to help.
Along with the feeling that I won’t be good enough is the gut-wrenching feeling of loneliness. I feel alone a lot of the time and it’s hard to see the light some days. Plus, it’s hard to explain this feeling of loneliness to my husband and friends because I don’t even understand it myself. I have an amazing husband that does everything to take care of me and I have amazing friends that are always there to talk…but I still feel like this. My life is about to change drastically and I don’t know if I’m ready for it.
It’s a hard thing to wrap my brain around, but I know it’ll all be worth it, and I can’t wait to see what happens.
So, here’s to change!